Can you spot a lousy sailor in this photo?
(Hint: There are four of them)
Of the countless benefits the lousy sailor provides, I have observed the following: The lousy sailor...
… keeps our beloved mechanics, marinas, chandleries and waterside bars solvent. He does so with amazing efficiency by buying the wrong equipment and vainly refusing to return it, going through expendables like there is no tomorrow, destroying equipment long before its service life is up, losing things overboard at an alarming rate, and failing to maintain systems which must as a result undergo untimely overhauls. Being generally incompetent at repair work, the lousy sailor must hire out skilled labor for the most basic of services, among them the repair of attempted repairs he has botched himself. Seeking solace from his ineptitude, he hastens to the local watering hole for his penance. Mea culpa, mea culpa, may I buy another round?
… provides the boating community at large with countless hours of entertainment while attempting to maneuver his vessel, comprehend the laws of physics, flout nature, remain onboard, return to his mooring, and preserve his marriage.
… provides free on-the-water clinics on how not to conduct one’s self on a waterborne vehicle.
… tests the Coast Guard’s response system.
… keeps other boaters alert.
… invents new knots for which one day there may be found valuable purposes.
… gives racers a dynamic obstacle with which to test their tactical skills.
… puts fellow boaters in good stead with the Almighty by offering them frequent opportunities to perform as Good Samaritans.
… fills said boaters with smug satisfaction over their own nautical prowess.
Finally, the lousy sailor helps beautify your harbor with the scenic addition of his pride and joy, regardless of his inability to commandeer her properly.
… keeps our beloved mechanics, marinas, chandleries and waterside bars solvent. He does so with amazing efficiency by buying the wrong equipment and vainly refusing to return it, going through expendables like there is no tomorrow, destroying equipment long before its service life is up, losing things overboard at an alarming rate, and failing to maintain systems which must as a result undergo untimely overhauls. Being generally incompetent at repair work, the lousy sailor must hire out skilled labor for the most basic of services, among them the repair of attempted repairs he has botched himself. Seeking solace from his ineptitude, he hastens to the local watering hole for his penance. Mea culpa, mea culpa, may I buy another round?
… provides the boating community at large with countless hours of entertainment while attempting to maneuver his vessel, comprehend the laws of physics, flout nature, remain onboard, return to his mooring, and preserve his marriage.
… provides free on-the-water clinics on how not to conduct one’s self on a waterborne vehicle.
… tests the Coast Guard’s response system.
… keeps other boaters alert.
… invents new knots for which one day there may be found valuable purposes.
… gives racers a dynamic obstacle with which to test their tactical skills.
… puts fellow boaters in good stead with the Almighty by offering them frequent opportunities to perform as Good Samaritans.
… fills said boaters with smug satisfaction over their own nautical prowess.
Finally, the lousy sailor helps beautify your harbor with the scenic addition of his pride and joy, regardless of his inability to commandeer her properly.
And she’s a sight to behold, let me tell you.
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